Coaching Through Passion and Learning to be Uncomfortable -Where I Went Wrong My First Four Years of Coaching

Last night's game was the AHA! moment that I have been waiting for over the course of the last four years of coaching.  Coaching has always been something I enjoyed, it was never a job, but it wasn't driven by passion.  Last night I let all walls down, let go of everything before stepping onto the field, and let my passion take over.  Some of it could have been from the lack of sleep the night before (a result of the end of term grading), but regardless of whether or not that was true I discovered my passion and it was evident in the conversations that I had following that game.  After last night, it has become clear where I went wrong the last four years as a coach.

A NEED FOR BALANCE
The last four years of coaching people might call me crazy.  I had maintained teaching full time with other district responsibilities, as well as worked a part time job in the spring, all while coaching softball at another HS.  What that meant was that my days were action packed.  The need to work at the garden center to make extra money and because it was a personal satisfaction & relaxation time was the driving force behind it.  I like being busy, but this busy came at the expense of myself and everyone around me.  I was constantly stressed.  Last night, I didn't have to worry about getting to a part time job after the game to go and unload plants, I could go out to dinner with the team and enjoy the time spent together.  I was failing myself and everyone else, as I always thought I needed to do everything.

YOU ONLY GROW WHEN YOU BECOME UNCOMFORTABLE
The months leading up to this season we were nervous as to where our numbers were going to be.  We weren't sure at times that we were going to have enough girls to field a team.  I also didn't want to pressure anyone into playing that didn't want to play because team chemistry is important to me and I want girls on the team that want to be there.  What this led to was a situation in which we were inviting players onto our team that already had other commitments in other places.  Some of these commitments included:  Club Volleyball, Gymnastics, Jobs, Child Care, and private skills lessons.  I was always raised under the mindset that if you participate in something you must give it 110% and demonstrate commitment.  This was something that my parents stressed when I was a kid and I'm very thankful for it.  What I didn't realize was how much stress this created for me as a coach.  We have struggled the last few years with this, but this year it was more than just two or three schedules we had to work around.  This year there were six.

This made me VERY uncomfortable as it has created a ton of gray area for me as a coach.  How can I teach commitment when I'm allowing girls to miss practice and sometimes games for other things?  I felt like I was failing the girls as their coach.  This was a decision that was made by the athletic director and was something that I was just going to have to make the best of.  What this allowed me to do was to a) Look for the positive in the situation and b) Adopt an entirely different mindset.  We have a schedule that was created the first two days of practice where girls are going to miss and we are going to hold them accountable for that schedule.  I feel better now that it's set.  It's not an ideal situation for teaching commitment, but at least it's there.

HAVE CONFIDENCE
I'll be honest, I've never been the person to have enough confidence in myself to know where I stand with people and with situations. I would always second guess myself and worried about what other people would think in certain situations.  I always took criticism too hard instead of creating a learning opportunity out of it and look for opportunities to become a stronger leader.  This gift of coaching and being a valued #tlap crew member has allowed me to do just that.  I've had the opportunity to deal with some difficult parents, including my own in coaching my sister these past two years.

LET THINGS GO
If I had a stressful day in the classroom that often carried with me to practice and I wasn't my fun loving, outgoing self.  I'd often be thinking about all that I had to get done for school the next day, or what I had to do to prepare for the next plant shipment.  None of this has crossed my mind this year as I've been able to leave work behind at work, as well as not have to worry about what I am having for dinner before I have to scramble off to the part time job after practice or a game.  Yesterday, I was able to leave everything behind as the grading period ended, we had a fun filled afternoon of PD, and I was able to enjoy myself knowing that no matter how tired I'd be at the end of the day, tomorrow was the start of spring break of teaching!

All of these things over the past few years have held me up from becoming the best coach that I can be.  Last night during the game I had the opportunity to teach the game of softball.  With a 3-2 count on a "first of a lifetime plate appearance", I had to call time out to discuss the situation with that player, to tell her that you are swinging and making contact if the ball comes anywhere close to the strike zone.  A ball put in play, followed by an error by the defense, allowed her to secure first base and end up scoring our first run of the game.  Later in the game, I approached one of our other girls that had never played before and asked if she wanted to pinch hit.  The excitement on her face was incredible.  She was out on the field warming up as she was going to be leading off for us that inning and asked me, "Coach, are you sure this is legal?"  I responded with, "the only thing that's not legal is you questioning me."  Monday of this week I was teaching some of our new players what the difference was between a base and home plate.  What an experience!

I also had my first big coaching mistake last night that may have been a factor in costing us the game on an appeal of what should have been an interference call.  I can honestly say I am a very patient person and rarely question the officials, but this was a question that was on the rule exam that I took just last week.  I got pretty fired up and passionate about that call, only to find out two innings later when the home plate ump approached me, that if I would have asked for permission from the base umpire, I could have appealed to the home plate umpire for his judgement and he would have called the runner out, ending what was one disastrous inning.  That was a very important learning opportunity for me in that game and probably the largest so far in my coaching career.  I had my former coaches to the side of me and behind me supporting me the entire game last night.  Last night will always be a game to remember:  one where I found myself and rediscovered my passion for softball!  Thanks to the #tlap crew and our conversation two weeks ago about coaching.  That certainly helped me to put these things into perspective.